We all need a good laugh so post your jokes.

[09bumblebee]

When man was created, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the ******* applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the ******* became mad and closed up.

After a few days…

The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the ******* boss.

This proved that you don’t have to be a brain to be boss…

Just an *******.
​

 

[cdrewferd]

lol

Your momma is so hairy, she only speaks 1 language.......................




























WOOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[09bumblebee]

Always give 100% at work…

• 12% on Mondays
• 23% on Tuesdays
• 40% on Wednesdays
• 20% on Thursdays
• 5% on Fridays

And remember …….
When you’re having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to **** you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them the bird.
Now get back to work.

 

[Haulin Oates]

 

[DyM]

I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about
drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the
authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a
couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something
I've never done before ~ I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police
road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have
never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with
it now that it's in my garage.

 

[Haulin Oates]

 

[Haulin Oates]

I can't stand it when I see someone on their phone while driving!! It makes me sooo mad that I usually roll down my window and throw my beer bottle at them!!!

 

[jahmic]

A man is walking along the shore at the beach near his new house when he hears a whisper coming from underneath the boardwalk. He walks over and sees this woman with no arms and no legs laying out on the towel. She says to him:

"Hi I'm sorry to bother you, but I live just down the street and I've been all alone for so many years. I saw you walking along the beach, and you look like a nice guy, I was wondering if you would just give me a hug...it'd make my day."

The guy thinks about it for a second, feels kinda weird, but decides...what the heck. So he picks her up and gives her a hug and goes on his way.

A couple days later the guy is out for another stroll and he hears the woman calling for him under the boardwalk. He thinks about ignoring her, but feels bad for the poor lady, so he walks over there again. She says:

"Hey, I'm really sorry to bother you...but I just can't stop thinking about the other day when you were nice enough to give me a hug. Truth is, I was born like this, have been alone my whole life, and every day people just walk by me and ignore me. You were the first person to ever pay me any mind. I know this is asking a lot, but would you be kind enough to give me a little innocent kiss? I've never been kissed before."

The guy tries to think of an out...but can't. He looks her in the eyes and decides...what the heck, she's actually kinda cute, and this poor girl has never been kissed before, so why not. He picks her up, gives her a nice soft kiss on the lips, and when he puts her down he sees her eyes tearing up with happiness. She thanks him and he goes on his way.

A few weeks later the guy is walking down the beach again. This time he goes a little later in the day thinking that maybe he can avoid this lady. But...sure enough, he hears her calling out to him again. A little agitated, but still feeling sorry for her, he goes over to see what she wants this time. She says:

"I know, you're probably tired of me asking these things of you...but I've been out here every day for the past few weeks just hoping I'd see you again. You see, I live right down the street, and I never have any visitors, so I have to come out here hoping I meet a new friend..and you're the only person in my life right now. I'm embarrassed to say this...but I've never been ****ed before, and I was really hoping you would be willing to **** me. I saw the way you looked into my eyes last time...so you must think I'm at least somewhat attracted to me in spite of my obvious handicap of having no arms and no legs. So please, would you pick me up, carry me home and **** me?"

The guy is a little flustered by the request...but he walks over to her, picks her up, carries her off, and tosses her into the ocean and says:

"There, you're ****ed"

 

[DyM]

Winter Comics

These are really funny: http://www.chase3000.com/userpages/calvinhobbes/

 

[09bumblebee]

Dang Kahlis thats cold

 

[jahmic]

"So I walk into this bar, sit down, and have a few drinks. At one point I turn to look over my shoulder and see this frog sitting on the stool. Crazy thing is, this frog starts talking to me. I get over the initial shock, and we strike up a conversation. Politics...religion...sports. You name it, this frog knows what's going on in the world and is much more intelligent than I ever would have imagined. So, I offer to buy the next round. We have a few drinks, and next thing I know the bar's closing. So I pay the tab, we say our goodbyes...but just before I leave I turn back and ask the frog what the heck it's doing at the bar. Frog tells me it's new in town, and got no place to go. All I can think is...what a cool frog, and it's got no place to go??? That's just crazy. So...I debate it for a while, and eventually say to the frog: hey look...ya know my wife and kids are out of town this weekend, why don't you just come home with me...just for a couple days. By the time the weekend is up, we'll find someplace for you to stay, but in the meantime, just crash at my place. The frog says to me 'oh well, I'd hate to impose'. I tell the frog, you're not imposing, heck I invited you! Cmon no big deal, just for the weekend, it'll be fun."

"So we go over to my place, have a few more drinks and chat a little. Then frog gets all serious. Tells me: 'you know, you're the only friend I've ever had and I've been keeping something to myself for a long time now, a treasure to tell you the truth. I've never shared it with anyone, but I want YOU to have it, because you're such a nice guy'. I'm blown away. I tell the frog...there's gotta be some catch, right? Frog hesitates for a while...and says 'well...yea. One catch, you gotta kiss me first. I've met a lot of people traveling around, and most of them act like a friend but only want my treasure. I gotta know for sure that you're a friend before I just give up something so valuable. I mean, it's no use for me to just hold onto it, but I gotta know my treasure will be a gift to someone who's genuine and nice...I can't just give it to anyone.' So I think about it...and I say to the frog, you know what, I can't do this, it's too weird. Frog says: 'No, please, I promise it'll be worth it...just one kiss so I know it's real and you can have my treasure.'

"So I think about it some more, and say what the hell. I sit the frog on my knee and plant a wet kiss right on it's lips. And that's when the frog suddenly turned into a 16 year old girl...."

And that's my story, your Honor.

 

[jahmic]

Dang Kahlis thats cold

I just like telling it to see people's reactions. It's usually an uncomfortable laugh followed by guilt, lol.

 

[ReeferMatt]

A man is cooking Deer meat for his kids, but won't tell them what kind of meat it is. He decides to give them a hint and says "It's what your Mother always calls me". At which point his eldest son screams "It's f###ing d!ck, don't eat it!!

 

[HoosierDaddy]

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.


Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

 

[Bajamike]

Why dont you bend over at american furniture warehouse?







Because Jake Jabs

 

[Suzanne Lynn]

God had just finished creating the beasts of the earth and fish of the sea when he decided to create man, so he sculpted a man out of clay and named him Adam. Noticing that he had only made one man who was only the male gender he felt this was out of balance so he bent down and took a rib from Adam and said, "with this rib I shall make women and they shall be more breathtakingly beautiful than any creation I've made before, and they shall cover every corner of the earth" Then God made the earth round.

 

[SAZAMA]

what did O say to Q?











































"Dude your COCKs hanging out!"

 

[Ambrosio Aquatics]

she said kiss me where it smells funny..... so he took her to commerce city:tongue-new:

 

[CRW Reef]

I moved the thread in to members lounge from open public lounge. Anyone with questions why can pm me or the rest of the BOD.